The stars lean down to kiss me
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L is for LIEN :D
I is for icecream♡
E as in 7teeeeeen !
N is for how ninja i am8)
N because im NICE O=)
Y as in hell yeah i love viet (:
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Smile because i love you.
4:43 AM, Saturday, March 14, 2009,
I'm screaming, but no-one can hear me.
I think im having one of those days, where everything just doesn't seem to be going right. Its like everything i do, somehow has a negative impact on me and so the world now meets the very unhappy Lien. T___T I blame it on the position of the moon - even if i dont know what position it's in!
Dragged myself out of bed at 8, and walked a few steps to my computer to start studying. Yeah Lien + computer + studying isnt a well off combination, but it works. I spent my morning refining my biology notes & doing some past papers + questions from the dot point book. The whole day was about biology god dammit. Got a few calls from Viet while he was out and about, but even then shit starts to stir from bloody nothing. I dont think hunnie had a very good day either. Anyways, i thought i was smart enough or possibly even fast enough to run out to bankstown before he left. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING -all i ended up doing was waste time at the library reading 'helen of troy' for about 1.5 hours. That was my fault though. I guess i really needed to see him before my head literally overpowered me with emotional vomit. How stupid. I even bumped into Peter while walking back to the library. I looked so stupid carrying a bunch of books and having my eyes leak in the middle of nowhere in front of him. He was understanding - its all the suns fault!
Got home around 2, had a bit of lunch and a few episodes of friends before i got back to studying, whereby i spent the rest of the afternoon doing.
On another note, i'm feeling a little insecure about everything. Things aren't being said for either the better or the worse & i just don't know how i can be there for you if you dont let me in for even the slightest second. We've been through so much and all i feel as though you are doing to me is pushing me away. But like everything else. Its probably my fault for not sticking around long enough to know everything thats going on, but i feel as though you're now even avoiding me. It really hurts. Up to the point that i feel as though i literally dont mean anything to you anymore. Theres alot that i dont know, so i cannot do anything for now but stand back until you're ready to let me in. I'm here for you if you need me.
Its thundering like no tomorow outside now, and i feel like my day isnt going to get any better no matter what happens. Its already almost 8 and i just got off the phone with a very annoyed and tired Viet. I feel so stupid that i cant do anything to make things easier for him, cus as far as im concerned all i do is stress him out to the point one day he will have a damn heart attack. Its true, his acupuncturist even said so. T_____T I'm at the point where i dont know what to do about anything anymore. There is so much on my plate that i just cant eat everything up. Its always one thing after another and what use am i if i cannot even do something to help the people i love?
I guess half the things that hurt me the most, have been my fault. There are plenty of things that are just better off not knowing because in the end you know it will hurt you. But rather then pushing it aside, i purposely go looking for it, just so that i feel as though i know everything thats happening. So that it brings me a little closer to what you're thinking. How you're feeling, but they're right. Everything does take its toll & there i go feeling sorry for myself like a complete idiot.
I just dont know anymore. Maybe im just tired. Annoyed. Cranky. Sleepy. Mind black. Whatever it is i want it to go away.
I wonder where baby is right now. I really hope he isnt walking in this weather to Daryl's because i will personally fucking hold Daryl responsible if he gets fried like a chicken by the lightning =)I just miss him so much. Its only been a day since i last saw him, but there's just something about how everytime i see him, i just miss him more and more everytime im away from him. Stupid hypnotising cow. And when we fight over the smallest SHITTIEST things, it just makes me feel like - a monkey just shitted on me crap - that i cant just be there to make everything better.
But baby remember this -A bad day comes every once in a blue moon, but compared to the amount of times you have made me ecstaticly happy ..its dumbfoundedly amazing.
Things will get better. Today is just one day. Tomorrow will be another, which reminds me i will be watching Tommy play soccer tomorrow if the grounds arent wet. I kinda hope he still plays even if they are so i can watch him fall on his face! LOLOLOL kidding. God im such a bitch .
I wil now go and devour myself in my grandmummys taro birthday cake =9 My blog today doesn't even make sense because i've jumped from one thing to another so much im even confusing myself.
Food makes everything better.
Actually it just makes things worst because Lien will get fat !
No matter what your mood is. How you're feeling. Regardless of everything around you, keep in mind that i dont try this hard for just anyone. I give you my all for a reason and even if im having a shittty day, it still doesnt change the fact that i love you very much you homo. Smile because you make me embarrassed and happy at the same time. Smile because i made you walk into a pole. Smile because i know where your weakness lies. Smile because my attempt at cooking for you is like cow poo. Smile because you know how much you make me happy. Smile because i love you.